you are here: frequently asked questions
- How long will we wait?
- What are the costs?
- What are the payment time frames?
- What steps do we take to become clients?
- Why Hawaii?
- How do you locate acceptable adoption situations?
- What assurance do we have that the birth mother will go through with the adoption plan?
- Should we prepare a “portfolio” or “dear birth mother letter”?
- How much contact will we have with the birth mother?
- What if we’re older, or single, or an alternative family?
- How long will we wait?
Answer: It has been our experience that in the usual case, the time frame from becoming clients to accepting placement is nine to twelve months. Sometimes, though, whether for a family seeking a particular type of child, or for a family open to a baby of mixed or minority ethnicity, it can happen much sooner. We tell our clients to be prepared and to have their home study completed in case the perfect match happens quickly!
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- What are the costs?
Answer: The cost for a typical adoption through our office is between $30,000 and $40,000. We make every effort to delay the majority of the costs until after placement, although some costs prior to that are unavoidable. Our fees, which are included in the total cost, consist of a $3,500 initial fee to become clients and begin the process, and $12,500 after placement. The elements of each specific adoption are different, but usually include (where allowed) birth mother expenses, such as living expenses, medical care, childcare, counseling, post-partum support, clothing and so forth. As a client, you will be advised of the estimated costs for any adoption situation that is presented to you for consideration. You always have the option of rejecting a situation if the estimated costs are unacceptable.
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- What are the payment time frames?
Answer: The initial fee of $3,500 and $1,000 for office costs and first quarter advertising expenses (plus Hawaii state tax of 4.166%), along with your forms, begins our working relationship. Once you and a birth mom have agreed to work together on an adoption plan, and you have reviewed and accepted the estimated costs for a specific adoption, we will ask you to send ½ of the total estimated costs. We place your payment in a client trust account. From that account we pay the bills that occur for your birth mom that you have agreed to pay (e.g., prenatal care, groceries). Approximately 30 days prior to the due date, we will ask for the remainder of the funds. This, too, is deposited in our client trust account, and not paid out until the baby has been placed with you.
Of course, an estimate is just that, and as costs become more certain, we will let you know. A final accounting occurs usually within 30 days of your final adoption judgment and any remaining funds in your client trust account are paid back to you at that time, along with a ledger of all the expenses incurred for your adoption. You may wish to forward this ledger to your accountant for consideration of the “adoption tax credit.” (See link to IRS description in the links section of this site.)
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- What steps do we take to become clients?
Answer: All clients meet or talk with Kelli to assure a “fit” with our philosophy and process. If you and she mutually agree to work together, you can download, complete and fax to us a “Client Questionnaire” and “Representation Agreement.” Along with these forms, your initial total payment of $4,687.20 (which can be in the form of a check, wire transfer or credit card payment), will commence our client relationship. You should have a home study underway to begin working with our office. For most states, you may find a licensed social worker or organization to conduct your home study in your area in the yellow pages under adoption services. We have found that the fee for the home study is typically $1,200 - $1,500. Your home study needs to be complete so that you can bring your baby home with you.
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- Why Hawaii?
Answer: The adoption laws in Hawaii can be favorable to both adoptive parents and birth mothers. Specifically, the birth mother may sign her consent to the adoption any time after birth. Once the consent is signed and the child has been placed with the adoptive parents, the consent may only be withdrawn with proof that the withdrawal would be in the best interest of the child . A natural father who was not married to the child’s mother at the time of the child’s conception or birth may sign a release to the adoption prior to the birth of the child. Also, the law in Hawaii permits adoptive parents to assist with the birthmother’s pregnancy – related medical, legal and living expenses, which many other states do not allow. Additionally, as we have completed hundreds of adoptions in the courts of the state of Hawaii, we are very familiar with almost every possible nuance of any adoption case.
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- How do you locate acceptable adoption situations?
Answer: We have been very fortunate, in that ten percent of the birth mothers with whom we work come to us as referrals from birth mothers we have worked with in the past. Another five per cent are returning birth mothers, who have placed through us before. The rest of the birth moms we work with find us through one or more aspects of our outreach strategy. We have identified, through extensive demographic research, targeted cities where there is a high proportion of potential birth mothers appropriate for our clients. That research, overlaid with the states in which it is not “adoption-friendly” for birth moms, allows us to target approximately 120 areas (cities or counties) across the country. Within those markets, we run yellow page advertisements, send direct mail letters to professionals who are in a position to refer a pregnant woman, work with the educational institutions to promote our services, and run targeted newspaper advertisements. In addition to utilizing the print media, we also make good use of the Internet, and have an effective website which is also strategically marketed.
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- What assurance do we have that the birth mother will go through with the adoption plan?
Answer: While we cannot guarantee that any birth mother will complete the adoption plan she makes with us and the prospective adoptive parents, we do have a very high placement rate. There are a number of reasons, but from the feedback we receive, a significant element seems to be the respect and caring we give to each birth mother, our experience and awareness of the many possible reasons for disrupted adoption plans, our ability to often foresee and overcome those issues, and our consistent and thoughtful communication with the birth mother and prospective adoptive parents throughout the process.
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- Should we prepare a “portfolio” or “dear birth mother letter”?
Answer: Yes, as this is the best way for you to tell a birth family about you! Even if you’ve spoken with a birth parent by telephone, it is still difficult to convey all there is to know about you, your family, and the environment and community into which you will bring your adopted child. We recommend your portfolio tell the story of your family, for a couple how you met, why you married your partner, what qualities your partner has that will make him or her a good parent, and so forth. Photos are very effective. Descriptions of each member of the currently existing family are often best written in the third person (by another member). Try not to write it with one voice – it is clear when one partner has done all the work! Inclusion of extended family or other dimensions of the “village” that will help raise the child are helpful. Saying that you can imagine or understand the feelings of the birth mother is not recommended. Neither is congratulating her on her courage, selflessness, or anything else that can sound condescending or patronizing – you don’t know her, or anything about her, or her reasons for making an adoption plan. To suggest that you do is to trivialize her feelings – unless you have been in her shoes, don’t presume to say you understand. Sharing your spiritual beliefs, life philosophies, and family values is sometimes risky, but also can be perceived very favorably by the birth mother. We are happy to give you input and work together with you to accurately describe your family, environment and situation, and to express what you hope to be able to offer a child. Realize that our office will only use your portfolio for the purpose of sharing it with a prospective birth mother for you specifically.
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- How much contact will we have with the birth mother?
Answer: This is a question that is best answered with “it depends”. It is based on how much contact you want, and how much the birth mother wants. If you and she have very different requirements in this regard, we’ll try to help you all to reach agreement, but if you cannot, then you aren’t right for each other. And, assuming you all want contact, then prior to birth it will depend on at what stage you begin your relationship with the birth mother. Sometimes a mother contacts us when she has recently confirmed she is pregnant, and sometimes she contacts us just prior to giving birth. But most often, birth mothers and adoptive parents are matched between the mother’s 5th and 7th month of pregnancy. We facilitate the communication between our clients and the birth mothers and consider the desires and needs of all parties.
The amount of contact you have with your child’s birth mother after the placement is also subject to agreement by the parties. Prior to the birth, we strive to develop a plan for future communication so that everyone knows what to expect. Each adoption plan is unique, but frequently, adoptive parents agree to send letters and photos to the birth mother twice a year. Of course, if the parties agree, it can be less frequent, or more frequent. It is a matter of agreement. This can be done through our office, or directly.
The adoption should be what you want and what the birth parent wants - there are adoptive families that have welcomed the birth mother into their lives and their homes, and other adoptive families who prefer a high degree of privacy and detachment from the birth mother. So long as it is what all the parties want, we will do all we can to accommodate each family’s needs and desires on a case by case basis.
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- What if we’re older, or single, or an alternative family?
Answer: One of the wonderful things about independent adoption is that the kinds of restrictions you may have encountered elsewhere do not apply. You are not limited by age, length of marriage, religion, income, other children, etc. We do not judge your situation or lifestyle. We don’t believe that it is our role to decide who should or should not be a parent. If you want to adopt, have an approved home study, and speak with Kelli regarding our process and philosophies, we welcome you as a client. We have worked with many singles, gays and lesbians, and many (maybe even most) of our clients are over 40. It has been our experience that there is an adoption for everyone, and we look forward to working with you.
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